Maternal Mental Health
A Friend’s Story
(My friend, whom I will call Louise, wanted her story to be shared during this Maternal Mental Health awareness week. 29th April to 5th May 2019.)
I am blessed to call Louise one of my friends; I also coached her in the early days of her days as a self-employed entrepreneur. She is also a midwife, working for the NHS as a Community Midwife and is universally loved by the women who benefit from her services. For good reason, she loves, and is excellent at, what she does.
Louise and I were pregnant at the same time. We met at the NCT classes we attended together along with several other lovely couples, most of whom we are still in touch with. It is fascinating how bonds formed during pregnancy remain in tact even when our babies turn into walking, talking, actual people.
So, out of all of us, Louise was the one who seemed to be having the most perfect pregnancy. Certainly none of the psychological baggage of previous miscarriages that I had. Or the juggling of another small child and studying for a Registrar promotion of another friend. Nor the weird pregnancy-related dietary complaints or the ubiquitous bad back. She looked and sounded bumpiliciously fabulous; planning a home birth with a birthing pool. I enviously imagined it from my position as a high risk geriatric mother with a scheduled induction to be complete with candles, soothing music, partner gently mopping her brow etc.
Reality
Then the time came and the babies started arriving. Louise’s homebirth started off as planned but didn’t end up that way. She ended up being rushed into hospital towards the end of her labour. Unable to cope with the last stages without pain relief, full of fear for her own safety and that of her baby, and in need of the support of the hospital staff. Suffice to say it wasn’t the calm, romantic welcome to the world she had hoped for her baby and herself.
Once home Louise set about living the life she thought she wanted and like, many other women, the one she thought she ought to be living. Out for an evening meal with baby asleep next to her within a few days, shopping and socialising with baby. I sometimes wonder if the fact she is a Midwife ever weighed heavily on her as a false sense of pressure to be a “perfect” new mum.
After a few weeks, she started to realise something was not quite right, not just the normal baby blues. Paralysing fears about her baby’s wellbeing, beating herself up that she was struggling to breastfeed, feelings of failing at being a picture perfect mum became so overwhelming she went to a very dark place; battling her fears and intrusive thoughts.
With the support of her close family and the Health Visitor team, Louise eventually got the help she needed. Stopping breastfeeding, going onto medication and taking time out to rest and be kind to herself were key to her recovery.
When pregnant with her second child, Louise felt herself experience feelings of depression once again and immediately sought help. She took the brave decision to go onto medication to stabilise her emotions. She prioritised self-care and calmly delivered her baby at home in the birthing pool with her support team at her side.
Courage and Support
Louise is an incredibly courageous woman, who was able to conquer her maternal mental health challenges and come through the other side with the right care and support of those around her. Other women have not been so fortunate and this needs to change.
